i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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