well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
