Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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