my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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