Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
