Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
