I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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