Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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