By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
