Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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