I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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