I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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