we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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