Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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