And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
