you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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