If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
