i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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