"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
