well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
