You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
