you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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