She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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