i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
