he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
