1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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