so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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