Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
