areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
