He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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