Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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