You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
