I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
