my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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