Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
