I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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