Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
