Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
