i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
