I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
