I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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