This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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