I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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