Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I could make wine with my vomit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
