you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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