When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
