Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
