we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
