And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
