I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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