In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
