If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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