I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
