So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
please don't ironically join a cult
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