Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
