My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
