We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
